dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i came on her dog
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
