The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
