There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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