Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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