chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
