are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
