break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
