the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
