I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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