so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
