i permit you to call me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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