The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize