He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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