we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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