can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
