Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize