college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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