we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
