i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it was like eating out sand paper
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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