i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
