I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
