she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
