You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
false alarm, still single
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
