I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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