I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
