He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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