I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
