I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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