I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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