I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize