Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
