whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
