Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
