his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
