turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
