Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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