Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
