all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
