He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
