he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
