Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
