She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
