Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize