it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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