well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
