you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
