The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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