I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
