and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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