Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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