just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
