Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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