You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
