I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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