We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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