I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize