Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I look better un-naked...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
