I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
