Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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