I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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