just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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