dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
