I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
