I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
