Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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