closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
