i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
only if we run a train.
done.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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