My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
