You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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