i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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