I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
