JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize