The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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