He uses pillows to masturbate.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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